It seems for most of my life, at least the years after adolescence, I spent a lot of time looking down and not looking at people. I mean, really looking at them. Not people I know and love, but the random people in the world. We encounter hundreds of human beings every week that we give little or no thought to as we buy groceries, walk through parking lots or browse through stores. For many of those years, I felt really bad for not noticing people and/or not getting over myself to look at these people in the eye and smile at them. I kind of felt like a jerk. Maybe it was insecurity, maybe I was lazy, maybe I just was completely self-aborbed.. probably a mix of all three.
For a long time now, I've slowly worked my way out of that habit. Mostly, because it's just not loving, and God has left me to wonder where I don't see Him during the day because I'm looking at the floor or my own feet. So, I'm intentionally looking up.. I'm looking at.. and I'm smiling with expectation and hopeful anticipation to love a random person with just a smile or a quick kind word of acknowledgment. And what I've noticed is that most people are looking down or away too. It's so sad to me to see this realization of how disconnected we all allow ourselves to be from one another. We have no idea what stories lie behind the encounters. But I do know I walked around many years feeling alone, afraid and disconnected. And I'm sure, sometimes those intentional people out there that had gone out of their way to say hello or smile were crazy or weird in my mind. Yah, in fact, I remember saying that specifically in my head.. or "What are they so happy about?" or "Please, what a phony!".
How sad for me.. but I know I was the one missing out. And now that I know how it feels to live on the other side, I wouldn't ever want to go back. So, I keep looking up- looking for my Father in the details and the faces of His people. Every once and awhile, I make a mutual connection and someone reciprocates. Those times are beautiful to me even if it's 1 out of a 100. It's so worth it. Not because of what I get from it, but the mere thought that I could be available for someone to receive some joy, some glimpse of the Lord.. for one person to feel seen. However, I'm not disappointed anymore by the times where I reach out and get nothing back. Because here I am, years later, looking back and seeing God slowly draw me away from my island and into the land of the living. And Maybe, just maybe, my smile or acknowledgement today will be a part of someone else's way back too.
1 comment:
did you see my post a couple weeks ago about walking with my head down? I do this ALL the time - I can't seem to break the habit and sometimes I think it is partly because I'm scared of tripping on something. weird. It is a tough habit to break, so well done!
Post a Comment