So, last night before I left work, I had one of our 'crazies' call on the private line at work. 'Crazies' are our regulars that call for nothing and everything, usually very dramatic and they don't have a real diagnosis.. they just keep paying to come back in. This particular patient is a late 40-something self proclaimed former beauty queen. She insists on being brought into her appointments in a wheel chair either by us or her husband. She's always 'out of breath', always needs a refill on xanax or valium, and always calls the doctor by his first name. The doc won't even give her in an office breathing test because the last time he attempted it, she freaked out so bad that he had to get EMS over here. Her husband gives one of those 'yes, it's me again.. please just give her what she asks for or I will pay for it personally' heavy sighs every time he calls or comes here on her behalf.
So, back to the call. She calls.. and immediately starts yelling at me to get the doctor (calling him by his first name) on the phone. Well, usually they (the docs) aren't in the office, but he happened to be in clinic yesterday afternoon. He was doing a consult on the phone. I told her that I could take a message and have him call her right back. She screamed no (the blood curdling kind).. she kept insisting.. I kept saying no.. and I told her that if it was an emergency, she should hang up and call 911. Heck, I will call 911! She kept arguing, she was 'out of breath' and really angry that I wouldn't get him on the phone immediately. I asked for her number.. I offered 911 a few more times.. and she argued with me for about 5 minutes total. I finally told her I was going to hang up the phone. She said if he didn't call her back in a minute 'whatever happens to me is on YOU!' And I politely answered, feeling like I was in the twilight zone, "No, it's not." I told her he would call her back, to consider 911 AGAIN.. and ended the phone call.
I get her chart.. tell him after he finishes his consult (which was about 2 minutes later).. and he rolls his eyes. He calls her.. says 'okay' and hangs up.. he then strolls down the hallway, hands me her chart and says very nonchalantly, 'hey, call 911 and have them go out to her house, would ya?' ...umm okay. So, I did. I call 911 and 911 gives me a direct number to McKinney where the patient lives. Is that weird? Did anyone know that you can't just call 911 for someone in another city? Even a close city? So, after a minute or so.. he gets the number. Seriously, it was like a minute. I call this number and it's McKinney's non-emergency line. Did 911 just not only pass the buck but give me the wrong number?! So, I call this number and explain to the operator what I need for this patient. She puts me ON HOLD. ON HOLD, people. She gets back on.. and I tell her I was told this was 911 for McKinney (still confused). I said, "This isn't a small grass fire, I don't have some stranger digging in my trash.. I need an AMBULANCE for someone!" Slooooooowly... she gets all the information and says she will take care of it. Ummm okay.
One, I am disturbed that someone would be allowed to abuse the system so badly in our office that she feels like she can pull a stunt like that. Who really NEEDS 911 so badly that they have time to call me, argue with me and wait for the doctor to call 911? I'm appalled. I heard later that once SHE called 911 and refused to come to the door so they had to axe her door down to get her. I guess I feel a little mad that I was forced to buy a ticket for the crazy ride... and then have to emotionally invest in the crazy ride to the point where I was fighting for an ambulance. Secondly, I am a little peeved at 911. I must say my confidence in calling 911 has been dramatically altered by these events. I have only had to call 911 once, I think...years ago for my mom.. and it went okay. But maybe times have changed..? Maybe it's like calling information now.. is it 411? 1411? who knows?
By the way, she's fine.
