Long Time, No Blog.

I can't believe it's been since September that I have blogged. Well, actually, I can because my life has done a 180 since then. It's the very times that I need to vent, i.e. blog, that I just don't have time. Bringing us to yesterday, when I realized that this is really the only place I can go to talk, release and people have the choice of whether they want to hear it or not. Everybody wins, no?

Because I am married now and officially have a peanut on the way, I am taking ideas for a new blog name. The old one just doesn't fit this new life anymore.

This whole marriage thing is teaching me a lot about myself. Unfortunately, myself has been taken over by an alien and currently I am a pod for another life form. Because of that, clarity and control are often fleeting. So, the lessons come in, and I am doing my best to learn from them. Truth be told- I am broken, and the Lord is the only one who can help me operate in any way. I knew this before, but I would forget often reaching for my own strength. Teaching elementary school, raising a 13 year old boy, being pregnant and a newlywed is probably the most humbling experience of my life. I have absolutely nothing to give in my own strength right now, yet I have so many people needing something from me at any given time.

I am tired all of the time. And when I say tired, I don't mean tired. I mean the kind of tired one feels after a full day of snow skiing. And that's when I wake up in the morning after a full night's sleep. My morning sickness has been round the clock up until about a week or so ago. Now, the queasiness is intermittent and all of the vomiting seems to be behind me. I have to take well over a dozen pills (supplements) which don't help my tummy. And I am so hungry... like hungry hippo hungry. Who knew someone could think about food this much?! I am ravenous. My body acts like I don't feed it. These days, I approach food like Cookie Monster approaches cookies. I have to be mindful to not look like a caveman when consuming a meal.

But honestly, the worst part is the emotional roller coaster I am on. Sad, angry, agitated, happy, calm, annoyed again... ah! God has been so good to me by refining me to a place of relative steadiness over the last several years. And right now, steadiness is a long lost friend. Oh, steadiness, I can't wait to see you- I miss you so. And so do all the people who love me.

With all of that said, these are all blessings and gifts that God has given to me. The thing I have to cling to and not forget is that God not only gives the gifts, but He also gives us the strength, tools and wisdom to handle and care for these gifts in a way that is loving and good. The gifts are ours to take care of and find joy in but not own. And I do know that one of his great gifts to me and his help to me is my community. Community, I do need you now more than ever.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:23-25