Tough Love.

It's been a really busy couple of weeks, but if I take a really honest assessment of the last several months.. it's been a really busy school year. My first year. Yes, it has been MUCH easier than I anticipated, and I have had some wonderfully smooth, restful periods. But let's face it, it's my first year, and like anything else new, I am supposed to fumble along more than anything. The last couple of weeks have been trying in many different ways. I have a couple of tough kiddos that, despite making seemingly huge progress with them so far, are just giving me a run for my money.

Last night, my school did a fundraiser at a local restaurant requiring the teachers to sign up for shifts to help serve the school's families. Despite my fatigue and a thunderstorm, I packed up Jake and headed out. After an uneventful shift, I stood there and looked around and realized something. Of all of my students who gush about me and love on me daily, my 3 toughest kids -those 3 boys- are the ones that showed up to see me last night. It was un-stinkin-believable. But why would it be? Those boys and I have been in the trenches together all year. There is a depth to our relationship that is just different than the others.

Yep, the others are fun, easy and make my days smoother. But that's not why I love them. I love them because God created a love for them in my heart. Those 3 boys are included in that, but how I love them looks differently because they have different needs. And yah, they still act up, and at times, I wonder if I am getting through because a lot of that love is discipline and they don't always like it. So, to see those particular boys show up just to see me last night made my heart full. They know I love them, and they love me.. and it was such an amazing reminder that we don't have to explain, rationalize or frame love in a way that is necessarily easy for the other person to take. If it's real love, which is God, there's an understanding that goes beyond anything we could ever articulate.. God convicts, God heals, God does it. We surrender to what God is asking of us each day, walk in obedience according to His truth, and we can trust that He won't fail. And the fruit of all that? Who knows.. but I do know it doesn't necessarily mean they won't act up the next day.

I'm so thankful Jesus came and that He loves me like that. I am so much more like those 3 boys than I am the others. I pray He never stops... disciplining me, showing me how He loves me and just how faithful He is through that discipline and enabling me to believe his mercies ARE new every moment of every day. Authentically doing life with people, with Jesus, is not always fun, easy and smooth. But it's rich, it's real, it's trustworthy and it's forever. And well, I'd hang my heart on that over anything else any day of the week.