MamaHood

I'm not a perfect mother. And I never pretend to be. I love my child with everything in me, but I've made a load of mistakes and inevitably will make a load more. The only thing I can say is that I wake up every day with the willingness to do what's best for him and just love him. My love falls short, and I don't always do what's best... but I will never stop trying. I wonder sometimes (well, often) what the consequences of my actions and choices will look like mainfested in his life. What will he think of himself? What kinds of choices will he make.. will he choose a good partner? Will he turn to the Lord in his choices? Will he want to contribute something good to the world? Will he lay as a victim in his mistakes or grow in them? Will he be humble in his wonderful gifts but also embrace them and use them?

At the end of the day, our children, to a great degree, become a lot of who we are. But.. they are also a unique design in their own right and have a path of their own. I can encourage him to get an education.. I can teach him about relationships, manners, personal integrity, honesty, a good work ethic, kindness and safety. But, the hardest thing as a parent to do is.. to SHOW him in how I lead my life, the most important part.. to have faith and trust in God in all ways. Because my faith and trust fall short. I make decisions every day that work only in the world. And Im not talking about perfection.. Im passed that. I get that will never happen. But, there are areas of my life that I still hold onto at times (in big ways).. and I just wont let the Lord have them. And if I do give it over, it is brief. And while that causes me pain at times and it doesnt honor God.. it also shows my son, this precious gift God has entrusted me with, that Im a hipocrite. I hate that. So, maybe the lesson here is.. as I show him what it looks like to turn to the Lord, I also need to be vocal in the wonderfulness of God's grace. One can't be without the other, because we ALL fall short.. period.

I loved the sermon at church today. I felt like it was just for me. It was about trusting God.. and remembering that even with Christ in your life, we are NOT in Heaven and life here will still involve thorns.. and if you trust in Him, you will be glad you did.. and if you don't, you'll wish you had. You cannot stand without Him. So simple. But today, I really needed to hear every word of that.

Funny for the Day: Jake has slipped further into his denial that Santa is phony. He asked me today where Santa will come into our house. He was dead serious.. and I just looked at him. He said he does believe and feels like it will be through the back door. I just smiled. He's worried now that I wont get presents this year b/c I dont believe.