Boys. Camp. Tears.

So, I spent last evening (really, the last two evenings) getting Jake packed and ready to go to 5th grade camp. Most of our evenings consisted of conversations to calm his fears. He was nervous about being able to sleep, getting privacy to shower and dress and missing me. He had been just a bundle of nerves but fairly prepared to go this morning with maybe even a bit of excitement. He had a lot of gear to bring.. but insisted on bringing it into the school on his own. Both bags were almost as big as him, but he didn't care.. he wanted to do it on his own. I saw other parents bringing stuff in for their kids, but I couldn't change his mind. And frankly, I didn't push it. Deep down, I truly love the moments I see him soar in his independence. But oh how they make me sad as well. With each new level of independence, there is a level of letting go. I always knew this was part of the job but didn't know it would hurt so much.

I believe God has provided so well for us, in so many ways. I just have moments like these sometimes when it's harder to not have a partner in raising Jake. No dad to know exactly what I'm feeling to put his arm around me and tell me what a great thing it is that Jake is flourishing into an independent, amazing young man. I have people. I have so many people who love and support us. But it's different not having my counterpart who equally loves and understands being Jake's parent. So, this morning, I just pray that God supernaturally fills that space for me. For Jake too. I couldn't help but wonder if Jake would feel differently having his dad walk him into school with his stuff at this age.

I know this is all good.. I just needed to talk it through.