The Anatomy of the RED FLAG.

Ahhh... red flags, where do I start? I could actually write a blog series on red flags. For today, we will just discuss the red flags in regards to dating relationships. To begin, for those who aren't familiar with the term, red flags are the obvious signs one is presented with as a warning to run for the hills. They come in all shapes and sizes, but they all have one thing in common.. they are red. And red means stop.

Some examples of a 'red flag':

1. He has a history of overlapping relationships. His philosophy is that it is best to have some cookies bakin' in the oven while he's sittin' at the table finishin' his ice cream. Whether or not you're the cookies or the ice cream.. you will be mindlessly consumed.

2. He moves too fast. Emotionally, physically, spiritually. Fast is for cars and fries, not authentic intimacy. And maybe he's overeager? Okay..set a boundary.. you'll find out very quickly just how fast he is.. in the other direction.

3. He tells you he's a bum. If a guy tells you he sucks at relationships.. he does. If he tells you he's never been faithful.. he hasn't. If he tells you he doesn't know how to commit... umm, you guessed it, he doesn't! Most men tell you who they are one way or the other within the first month of dating.

4. His actions aren't consistent with his words. His actions are the truthful estimation of where his priorities, character and heart are centered. Action, ladies. Remember Berlin's "No More Words" circa 198somethin'... somethin' to consider for the ipod.

5. He's the guy doin' belly shots off you in the bar. Ok, get out the bar. Seriously? Ok, I'm just being funny. But seriously, get out of the bar.

So, we could go on, but you get the point.. so, now what? What's the best way to spot a red flag? Women ask me all the time.. how do you know? Ok, first let me say.. you know. You always know. But let's just say you aren't convinced for whatever reason OR you really feel like you don't know.. Here's your line of defense:

1. The Word. The God filter.
2. An honest account of the dude and the relationship to your friends and family.
3. Be willing to have a conversation with him.. guys with red flags waving do NOT like attention being drawn to the flag. Usually they bolt, but hey, running from talking about the 'possible' flag IS a red flag.

I'm lucky.. well, it isn't luck. I've allowed dicerning, godly women (Lord appointed) in my life that I allow to speak to truth to me. This was not always the case. However, when one gets to the point that she can write a blog on 'the anatomy of a breakup'.. one may decide it's time to give up her ways in exchange for something better. I'm not even great at picking up or not poo-pooing red flags all the time, but my girls are.. my sisters, my best friends, my accountability. Women with their eyes on Christ and love for me that looks like His.. they are called to spot them for me. And in turn, I can do that for them as well. Being dicerning in our own dating relationships can be tricky sometimes..especially if our old wounds get in the way of truth. It's another case for community.

Find a friend that you can dialogue with.. be honest with.. to help you guard your heart with. Guarding our hearts isn't just about not being hurt, in fact, that's a very small part of it.. it's about being obedient to what God has for us.. acknowledging and accepting His best and His will for our lives according to His word.. When we step outside that to grab hold of something different than His provision, we take our eyes off His purpose. And ladies.. His provision? Yup, it doesn't look like what I described above.

What sparked this blog: Biz and our discussion of the flags. My fellow girlfriends.. and their dealings with boys who are still learning to be men.