Mom.

I didn't expect to wake up this morning feeling the way I do. I'm so freakin' sad today. Last night, I just had a moment of harsh realization that my mom is just not coming back. Of course, intellectually, I've known this for a long time. And, I've had moments like this before, but it's been awhile. I thought I was done with the "kicks in the gut" that she is gone. For a minute, I had this memory of her wash over me that was so real, and it just took my breath away. It was so painful and wonderful at the same time. I remembered what it was like to put my fingers through her silky, thin, soft hair.. the way her hands felt when I held them.. the texture of the skin on her cheek when I kissed it.. her dimples, and that laugh that was bigger than life. As most everyone knows, I have a horrible memory.. I forget stuff all the time. And, I'm just sitting here sobbing that, by the grace of God, two years later I can still remember her so vividly. I don't want to forget her little details. I don't want to forget that as small as I am, that when I put my arms around her, she was even tinier and more delicate. I felt like I could protect her from so many things. I don't want to forget her voice, the way she looked at my boy and the way it felt to lay beside her on her bed when I felt like my world was crashing down around me.

Can I just say that I want her to know the man I marry? That I want her to see my babies grow up? Can I just say that I just wasn't done having a mom? I wasn't done with my mom. And I'm just sad.. and I miss her. I'm just havin' a day.


Advice for the Day: If you have a mom, you should totally hug her today.. or at least call her and tell her that you love her.