Spring Cleaning!

Today is an absolutely beautiful day outside. It's the kind of day that just makes you feel alive and want to be productive. I decided to do some spring cleaning today. I FINALLY took down my Christmas tree, and I just cleaned the entire place. I even bought some bright orange roses for the middle of my dining table. It's sparkly and fresh in here! And I love it.

Anyway, it got me thinking. As I put the tree away, I look around and I finally feel like 2008. The holidays are over, school is about to start and I'm well on my way into a new year. And I started to think about the spring cleaning I need to allow God to do on my soul. And I feel like this is finally my season to allow Him to do that. The brunt of the confusion and pain of 2007 is long over and it's time to really let go. A part of me still holds on to bits of it.. and I pray for the release of that EVERY, single day. God had laid at my feet so many wonderful things. A life filled with amazing friends.. family.. my Jake... my job.. school... my and Jake's health.. a great church.. all my needs are being provided for and then some. I am so blessed beyond what I deserve. The truth is.. I don't deserve any of it. I'm no better than a homeless man or a child starving in a 3rd world country.. I just 'have' and I really don't know why I do. And I take it for granted EVERY single day of my life. I am so ashamed about that. It's humbling when I look around at what God has given me.. and I still feel sadness sometimes when I think about what I don't have.. when I think about what I've lost.. and yes, when I think about things I was asked to let go of in 2007. It brings me to tears even now as I write this. It makes me so sad that my soul is in a state of total self-centeredness.

So, as I think about all of this, I realize that most of my problem is that my focus is on me. Whether it's praising Him for what I have.. or praying to Him to help me be free of wanting what I don't.. it's all about ME. And I have to believe that's been the flaw in my thinking my entire life. It has to be. Every decision I've made up until last Fall as been about what I want..how I feel.. what I feel I need..etc. Yes, I've been obedient over the last several months for the most part. But, friends, my thought life is still disobedient in many ways. I still grieve and whine about what He has asked me to let go of. Even though He has given me so much .. and the craziest part of all it.. is I still feel Him loving me through this. He knows this handicap of mine..He knows this about me better than anyone. Better than I know myself. So, today, I am on my knees.. and I am praying to my Heavenly, sweet, gracious Father that this is my season to learn how to look beyond myself.. to learn how to make more decisions that bring all the glory to Him, to further His kingdom in whatever way I can... even if they bring me nothing..and even if they take something I have away. And to be not only obedient in my actions, but to glorify Him in my thought life as well.. the relationship only He and I share.. our most intimate conversations need to be less of me and more of Him. I may not be able to control every thought, but I can make choices about what thoughts take on a life of their own. I'm tired of 'Me." I really am.

so, please pray for me on this..


Message for today: God is good. period.