11 years of JTC.

So, the boy turned 11 today. It's Ash Wednesday.. and the last time it was Ash Wednesday on his birthday was the year he was born.

I remember when he was born and through the next several years, I was the center of his universe. I was caring for him, teaching him, I had his details.. I spent a lot of my time modeling and making sure I was the main person he was looking to in order to learn and grow. Well, he can feed himself now.. tie his own shoes.. even take his own shower. And slowly, over time, I attempted to release myself of the center of his universe one opportunity at a time. Boy, that's hard. But I knew that he wasn't mine and that while I had been doing the actual bottle feedings, eventually, God would be Jake's go-to. And that's the way it should be, and I thank God for giving me what I needed to release him in the ways that I have. We still have a long way to go, and I cherish the time I have left being 'mommy.'

Not going to lie.. it's hard to transition from mommy to mom. Thankfully, in God's grace, they go from mommy to a mixture of mommy/mom before they settle into just mom. Over the last year, the unexpected big kisses on the face and random hug attacks have dwindled. Well, on his end.. hah, he still gets them a lot from me. I thought about that yesterday morning after I dropped him off from school. I couldn't remember a time before this last year that I didn't get an unsolicited hug or kiss before school. He would even do it in the carpool line no matter who was watching! Ahh..such greatness. I made sure this morning that I took a huge hug before we left the house. I will say, though, I still get random 'I love yous' on a daily basis.

The transition isn't all bad.. it's just different. And there are some things about now that I adore. I get to have amazing conversations with him, sometimes for hours. I get to see the fruit of what God has been doing through me and straight up without me (and sometimes in spite of me) as I watch Jake handle a myriad of situations that life throws at him. It is such a privilege to watch him grow into a man. My heart used to burst with making him giggle over a dinosaur war.. and now it bursts when I hear him speak boldly and compassionately about an underdog kid at school or at how good he thinks God is to him.

I am one blessed woman. My life did not turn out the way I planned or envisioned in any way. And my life as a mother looked very different.. as a young girl, I thought a lot about having several kids, 2 boys/2 girls, me in an apron a lot etc etc. And God gave me Jake. 1 child, 1 boy... 1 miracle. God always dreams bigger and better than we do for ourselves. I could not have asked for a better child.. or a better mommy experience. I can't wait to watch him grow over the next 11 years.

I praise God for drawing in my boy's heart and capturing it and sealing it for eternity. What better mommy experience could there be?