Ashes just don't taste good anymore...

I used to think 1 was the loneliest number. The truth is 2 can be much lonelier. The loneliest I have ever been is in my love relationships. For years, I bought into the lie that told me I couldn't do better.. that I had to take what was offered and eat it up with a spoon.. and maybe even smile a little while I ate it. Reminds me of Isaiah 44:20.. He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself, or say, "Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?"

I admit it, I fed on ashes. What a disgusting image! Instead of God's love, I chose ashes.. instead of His wisdom and satisfaction, I chose a big, nasty bowl of ashes. We've all done it. We've all loved something in our right hand that was a lie, something we chose over God.

I ran into my past this weekend. Not only did I have to face it up close and personal, but I had to sit with it awhile. It was the kind of 'run-in' that really catches you off guard. After a moment ..ahem, or two..of collecting myself, I was able to find a blessing in the experience. I'm reminded.. I AM free. I am no longer captive to the lies and the unbelief of what God's best looks like for me. Especially in my relationships with men. I am no longer eating 3 square ash meals a day. Today, my friends, I am feeding from the vine of God's love, faithfulness and redemption. I don't know if I had fully realized how far I have come from that old, defunct belief system until this weekend. I have victory over that part of my past. And it's true, not all days or moments reflect that to me.. but, as my good friend reminds me, that is why His mercies are made new every morning. It doesn't take away from that victory. I have victory in my Savior.

First and foremost, the yearning for love, acceptance and satisfaction can only be fulfilled by the LOVE of Christ. And secondly, if God chooses to love me through a husband too, He is very clear on how a man is supposed to love a woman.. how to respect her, cherish her. He is clear on how she is to be pursued and how there is no love without Him at the center of it all. If you or the boy's eyes aren't fixed on Jesus, chances are he is taking you to the Ash Bistro for dinner. At this point, the boy who captures my heart will have to be running towards Jesus for his life in order to find me and make me his bride. I'm not settling ever again. I don't have to.. ya know, I've already got my better half. Yes, it would be wonderful to be a wife someday, but only if it is in a marriage that glorifies God. It's not a worldly marriage with a dash of Godliness in it for good measure. For me, I want my marriage based upon me sharing Christ with my husband..loving and serving along side each other.. and both of us faced towards the Father. I'm thankful for the reminder of not only what God's best really does look like, but also that He wants that for me too.


Highlight of the Week: Jake and me on the velcro wall... sweetness.