I can't believe it is almost Friday again.. this week went by in a blink of an eye. That's usually a sign that I'm doing well. 8 months ago, and the year and a half preceeding went by so slow for me. Every day felt like an eternity as I walked through the grief of losing my mom, changing homes, changing jobs, opening myself up to community to live authentically and letting go of a really unhealthy relationship. It's AMAZING what God can do! I was a super shy, insecure, secretive, sad little woman. And now..? I feel like God could move mountains through my testimony. I don't even recognize that person.
My life is full of goodness and supernatural strength.. I don't deserve the kind of grace and mercy Ive been shown, much less the blessings He has provided. But, I am grateful and humble... and now, I have realized that for months I have been waking up not sad, not secretive, not insecure and I'm not even close to shy. Maybe with boys sometimes, but that's the normal kind of girl shy! I'm still good with guarding my heart early on. In fact, that's a new thing too! I've been learning to really listen to His voice. Especially when it comes to dating and romantic relationships. Men have been difficult for me to navigate in the past, and He is showing me how to do that right too. That is definately supernatural! Starting to date as I am now is a totally different animal. I have to go slow.. I have to be okay not taking shortcuts (i.e. sitting in shy moments instead bridging the gap with making out!).. I have to let the guy lead, whether it's deeper or out of the relationship.. and I have to trust what God is telling me to do instead of what's always comfortable. It is not comfortable all the time, let me tell ya! In fact, it is scary because things aren't always tied up neatly in a package with a tidy, little bow. I have to rely on Him when there is a lot of unknown. If you know me, you know that is HUGE for me. And the obedience feels great (most of the time, heh).. even when I'm being stretched. I'd rather sit in a place of obedience and watch Him do ultimately what He will do anyway, instead of trying to control the outcome. Fruitless. All of it requires a lot of dialogue and prayer with Him and bouncing stuff off my accountability. And let me give a 'shout out' to my accountability! Awesomeness. Talk about patience.. I love you guys.
He showed up.. He gave me life.. healed my heart, handed me real friendships, restoration in the relationships that were damaged from my choices (including the one with Him), Truth, community, the opportunity to serve.. He is showing me how to be a better mom, how to love and be loved, and to even have a career where I can serve Him through children. So insanely exciting!
Today? Today is a good day. Praise Jesus!
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